The Big “Why”

The big question of “why” has been brought up many times. Before I left Oregon to join the Peace Corps I was asked, “but why?” so many times that I came up with an automated response. Usually the list consisted of a list of reasons: I’m not ready to go to grad school and need something to do until then, I love traveling, I want to become fluent in Spanish, I want to meet new people, I want to gain some job experience, etc, etc. When I flew to Miami, Florida for staging, I was asked that question again. Why are you here? Why did you choose to do this? And I was reminded that in that moment, it was the first time that I did not have to argue or explain myself to the people in the room. They all understood, because they either had done it before or were doing it with me.

Coming to Guatemala, we were pushed even further in the office. That central “why” hung there and bonded us. Slowly, I feel that my responses began to change. I still agree with all of the reasons I listed above. I am doing this to become fluent in Spanish. I’m doing this because I absolutely love love LOVE traveling, seeing cultures different than my own, trying new food, and being somewhere new. I do desperately need job experience related to what I want to pursue in the future and this is the coolest way to get that job experience. However, all of those have shifted down the list a little. They are important and they are valid, yet I have come to shift my answer to revolve less around myself and more on the people here in Guatemala. 

So, why did I join the Peace Corps? Why on earth am I choosing to do this? The answer is again many reasons, but the centrality of my “why” revolves around power. I believe that if you have power, privilege, and ability, you should use it to empower and uplift others. I have the ability to travel to another country and spend two years and 10 weeks of my life working for a Guatemalan community for practically no pay. I have the privilege to be welcomed into these communities and to be given access to vulnerable populations such as children, mothers, women, and those who may have less than me in some ways. I have power due to my race, due to my citizenship, due to where I was raised, due to my education, and due to the amount of money I have access to. So, all of this is to point out that I can, and maybe even am obligated to use what I have and empower those around me. My second big reason is something that I talk about a lot, and is one that does revolve around myself. It is the idea of uncomfortability. I want to grow and I want to become the best version of myself I can be. And I truly believe that a part of that process lies within sitting in the uncomfortability of a situation. I don’t mean that we always have to do the terribly risky thing or do something that causes our mental stability to waver, but also don’t stay within where you are comfortable all of the time. Push yourself out of it. That’s where you are going to grow. 

Well, Camille, how do you plan to accomplish these big, abstract goals? How will you know when you have been successful? Great question. A hard one too. It’s something I’m still grappling to answer and every day I know I will learn more about the “how.” For now, my answer lies in forming relationships, integrating, and learning before I act. And that is all pretty tough stuff. It’s hard to push yourself to talk to community members you’ve never met, especially in a language you don’t feel confident in! But, I believe forming relationships and really integrating into a culture is key. I have to build trust before I can accomplish anything. The community that I am placed in needs to know what my intentions are, what my goals are, and that I am here to basically do whatever they want me to do. I’m not here to impose my own interests or my own views on a population. I’m here to be a body, to fill a job, to offer a different point of view, and to be a facilitator. I’m here not to give a voice necessarily to others, but to listen to those who no one is listening to. I’m here to say, “oh, this person is really good at this thing that someone else could really use, so I am going to connect them!” I’m here to notice things and to point them out. I’m here to set a good example of what a woman can do and to empower others to reach their full potential. I am so excited to learn before I start to serve. 

Down to my core, I believe that Peace Corps is doing a great thing. The communities want us here. They ask for us to come. We are invited. And within that comes a lot of responsibility. Every single day will be a continuous process of learning and struggling and learning and serving. Hopefully I’ll be making an impact that will be sustainable, that will be healthy, and that will be remembered in the lives of many Guatemalans.