The last time I wrote a blog post for you all it was March of this year, and boy, I had no idea what the months ahead had in store for me. For all of us, actually. The Peace Corps had scooped me up with the few belongings I could manage to grab and threw me back into the life I had prepared to leave for two years, half heartedly attempting to consol me with a pat on the back and a few thousand dollars. Thank you for your service. But now you are on your own.

In March I was highly optimistic. I woke up most days enjoying the time with my family that I had expected to not see for quite a bit longer. My time was spent cooking, baking, reading, embroidering, exercising, and doing stuff I actually really loved to do. There was a sense of solidarity I felt with my community as we all had to be on “lock down” in our houses, keeping everyone safe from the virus. José and I video chatted every day, talking about how we probably would be able to see each other again in May or June. I’d come back for his birthday. Or-worse case scenario-we’d wait and he would come here for mine in July. As you know, that dream was quickly shattered.

The days kept going and the virus cases kept rising. I faced the fact that I would have to get a job, even if it was temporary. I wouldn’t be here very long, I told myself. I found a temporary job and it was nice to keep myself occupied. I made a few new friends and shared some laughs and God even graced me with the opportunity to share religion and spirituality discussions with one of them. I was happy with where I was. Mid-June came around. My timeline extended further-as it would continue to do over the next several months. Maybe September or October I could go back to Guatemala then. I just need to stick it out for a little while longer. We celebrated José’s birthday together from afar. I got another job. And this one was more in the direction I wanted to go career-wise. I was excited about it and knew it would help me to feel like my time spent here was fullfilling and worth it. I still feel that way as I continue progressing with this job and I’m thankful to have found it at the exact right time.

My family went through a few ups and downs and through it all I discovered that I had a niece. A sweet, precious little girl that shares my blood and that I am exploding with love for. God challenges us in many ways and this was one suprise I was not expecting. And yet here we are and I know that if I did not come back from Guatemala I most likely would not have found out about her existence. As much as I have argued with God in this season and pleaded for a why to all of this struggle, I know that every moment this year happened strategically and I was just along for the ride.

My birthday came and went-23 years fell upon me with ease. My friends, my community, reminded me how much I freaking adore them. They are everything. José and I grew substantially. In these months apart, we have discovered truths about each other. Sometimes hard truths. But mostly beautiful truths. We’ve learned the way the other suffers. We have learned what the other needs. We’ve learned our weaknesses and we have definitely learned our strenghts. We’ve leaned on each other and supported each other when one was down. It’s been a journey that I don’t feel like I have the adequate words to describe. But here I stand, seven months after being evacuated from Guatemala with the Peace Corps, and I feel okay. I feel firm. I can stand on my two feet. And I have an idea of where I want to go.

José has a ticket to come visit me for the holidays. As I type this we have 2 months, 20 days, and 23 hours of waiting to do. But hell-we’ve got this. We can do anything now.

I’ll continue to work and to grow. I’m attending two bible studies-one in the Catholic church in my town once a week and another with my dearest friend, Katy, once a week. My spirituality and my relationship with God is strong. I love my job and it has been teaching me a lot about what I want and what I do not want for my future career. I’ll continue to spend time with my family and friends and patiently await the moment when we all can rejoice as a society who is healthy and reborn. And eventually-hopefully sooner rather than later-I will move back to Guatemala and continue that journey. But for now, we rest and we wait and we sit in the present moment and open our eyes to the goodness within it.

Thank you for reading my story and for being with me along the journey. It’s been quite a ride.

They had split us up by department. Sacatepéquez and Chimaltenango were first. So we were in these vans, our hearts having just been ripped out of our bodies, when the cars stop. The driver of my van answers his phone, talks a moment, hangs up, and then turns around and informs those of us in the car that something has happened and we now need to go back to the Peace Corps office. We no longer can go to the airport. 

My head is running with so many questions. I have to go back to the office when I just mentally prepared to leave it? Why can’t we go to the airport? We drive back to the office, get out, and then sit and wait for more information. The entire day is filled with waiting and waiting and more waiting. Eventually we received information that the president closed borders and isn’t allowing anyone to enter nor leave the country. So the plane we were supposed to take was cancelled. They informed us that we have to sleep in a hotel that night and they were working to get us a private government-issued charter plan to take us the next day. Meanwhile, they order all other Peace Corps volunteers in the country to pack up immediately and be ready to go in the next hour. We will now all be leaving on the same plane instead of three different ones. All 160+ of us.

We stayed in a hotel that night. And may I remind you, that we are still in the same town where I lived. I had such little time to say goodbye, pack up my bags, and leave and yet I still had not left that town and I was going to sleep in a hotel two blocks away from my house. On Tuesday we woke up, awaiting more information, and yet we got nothing. We were basically locked in this hotel so we paced, played games, some people danced, some people sang songs about evacuation, and others, like me, sat and stared off into the distance. I couldn’t bring myself to do something. I was going crazy. I just needed more information. They kept saying they were attempting to get us a flight but they were having issues getting permission from the president to leave and permission from the U.S. to land a charter plane. I was incredibly frustrated that I was uprooted from my life and my home only to wait forever in a small building when the Peace Corps obviously had no plan for getting us out. Eventually we were informed that they had gotten a plane and they had gotten permission to leave IF the plane was classified as a flight containing high-risk individuals for contracting the coronavirus. In order to get around that, since the majority of us are not high-risk individuals, the U.S. embassy in Guatemala was putting high-risk individuals on the flight with us. This included people over 65, people with kids with asthma, and people with other pre-existing conditions. With these people on the flight, the president signed the papers to allow us to fly a plane out of the country. They told us to be ready by 7:00am the next morning. 

Since I thought I would be out of the country early Monday morning, and here it was, Tuesday afternoon, and I still saw no hope in sight, José came to give me some real food and sit in his car with me to talk and spend one last moment together. A part of me didn’t want to go through the process of having to say goodbye again, but I knew I would regret it if I didn’t take advantage of this opportunity to spend time with him again, when I did not and still do not know when the next time I will see him is. We sat in his car, ate our favorite picnic food (salami, cheese, bread, and juice), and talked. We talked for hours and watched the sun set. We enjoyed being close to each other for my last night in Guatemala. And yes, saying goodbye again was incredibly painful. I felt like I was leaving my heart with him right in his hands. 

At 7:00am the next  morning we get a text saying “Urgent! Stay in place. The flight has been delayed!” And then receive no further information for nearly three more hours. It was excruciating. I had prepared to leave. I did not want to leave, but at this point I was about to jump off the roof of the hotel if it would get somebody’s attention. (Jokes). Needless to say, I was going a bit crazy. When more information did come, they informed us that they have a flight, they have permission to leave and to land, but they have no crew. I repeat, no CREW. No one to fly the plane. It was almost comical at this point and people were volunteering to learn how to fly a plane if it was necessary. A few hours later they somehow got a crew to fly the plane and we were whisked away. For real this time. And at least we were all together. Throughout the pain and the hurt, we were together. All volunteers. 

We were driven to the airport in several large vans and police escorts. Another complexity within all of this was that Guatemala had banned transportation of more than 10 people. And there were over 160 of us. So we needed police escorts so we wouldn’t be arrested. As you can imagine, that drew A LOT of attention. With these policemen in cars and on motorcycles they escorted us through the city at a high speed with their lights flashing and their sirens blaring. We even made the news. Guatemalans were getting out of their cars and holding up their phones to videotape us. I watched out the window, wondering how my life came to this in the matter of three days. We arrived at the airport, which was closed since flights were not prohibited. They had to hire airport security just to get us through security, do immigration, and get us on our flight. I think we were all a little hopeless after all of the changes in the past couple of days that our flight would even make it off the ground and land again in the U.S. When the plane took off I listened to music on my headphones, stared out the window at the small lights of the city, and cried. I didn’t want to be leaving. And I didn’t know when I would be able to return.

When the plane landed everyone clapped. Which normally would annoy me, but considering the circumstances and how low we were all feeling, it truly was a miracle that the plane even made it to Miami, Florida. It was 1:00 in the morning in Miami and we were all exhausted. Some of us hadn’t eaten a real meal since 6:30am. I was one of those people. We all stayed in a hotel and the next day was when we had various flights out to our respective home states. I flew to Oregon and arrived around 7:00pm on Thursday night. Finally I was back. The first moments felt like a dream. Was I really seeing the Portland airport carpet? Was my mom really casually picking me up and driving me to McMinnville? Sitting in such a nice car driving on a nicely paved road felt fake and strange and dreamlike. I didn’t know how to feel. However, as the days pass, it starts to reverse itself. Some moments it feels like I have always been in McMinnville, the whole time. And Guatemala was the dream. That it didn’t actually happen. My reality feels twisted and warped. Walking on the clean sidewalks next to all of the houses who look too perfect with their nicely cut lawns and their children playing outside with basketball hoops feels wrong. I don’t feel like I should be here. 

I am experiencing culture shock. I am experiencing deep sadness. I am experiencing anger and frustration. I was supposed to be in Guatemala for two years and I was there for six months. I had a year and a half left. I was just starting projects. I had so many meetings planned and things I was working on with wonderful people. I had made friends and I had plans. I had fallen in love and started a serious committed relationship with the most amazing person I have ever met. And it was all disrupted. I was terminated from my job. We all were. All 7,000+ volunteers. We do not qualify for unemployment. And we have been thrown back into a pandemic infested country where the job market is crashing. We have to stay in quarantine and we cannot process our feelings with family and friends because we aren’t allowed to be in contact with them for at least fourteen days. It is very difficult. And we do not have job security for the future. We do not know if we will be able to return to our countries we were serving in with the Peace Corps and start back up our same jobs and live in the same homes. We may have to reapply and start completely over. There are so many unanswered questions. It’s all up in the air and is uncertain.

But i’m okay. I’m hanging in there. I will survive. And I am trying to hang on to the hope that this is all temporary. This moment will end. Eventually, I will be back in Guatemala. Whether that is with the Peace Corps or just on my own. I’m not done there. I feel called to go back. So I will keep my head high. I will pray. I will trust. And I will hold on to the fact that even though I do not have much control right now, I have control of how I respond to what is happening to me. And when this is all over, I will have control of how I want to proceed with my life. We will make it through. Even if what it takes is remembering the watery eyes of your best friend and love of your life as he looks into your soul and smiles, reminding you to breathe. 

Part 1.

The following is an account of one of the most traumatic weeks of my life. I have been in my hometown of McMinnville, Oregon for almost a week now. Somehow a week has already passed. And I haven’t been able to muster up the energy to write anything down. I think I thought that if I did not process it and did not think about it, I would be able to press on for a little bit longer. I thought that if I wrote it down, it would unleash something inside of me and I was scared what it would look like. I was scared what it would make me feel. Holding it inside and distracting myself kept it from crushing me completely. 

However, I soon realized that was the opposite of my own advice. I know very well that I am a writer. I have to process things by writing them down. So here we go. I acknowledge that I am very privileged in my experience. I am very lucky to have somewhere to come home to. I am incredibly blessed to have a house and a family who lets me come back to it. I am healthy. I have access to enough food. Enough warmth. I am blessed. And yet, I still experienced this pain. As did many other of my fellow (returned) Peace Corps Volunteers. So bear with me. And thank you for being patient. My last post I was explaining how lucky Guatemala was to not have any cases of the virus. At the moment Guatemala now has 20 cases. At the time of this story, Guatemala had 2.

Sunday night. I was sitting in the passenger seat of José’s car. We were listening to music and it was peaceful. It was always peaceful sitting next to him in his car. It was dark out and we were heading in the direction of my house so that he could drop me off. I don’t remember what song we were listening to, but I remember leaning my head against the side of the door and looking out at the blurry trees whizzing by the window. I was holding his right hand on my thigh, as we always did when he drove. I was happy, content with the moment and with the weekend we had just spent together. We were on our way back from having dinner with a fellow Peace Corps friend. Jose drops me off at my house and I vividly remember kissing his cheek, stepping out of the vehicle, making eye contact with him and quietly saying “I love you” and telling him to drive safely. I shut the door and walked towards my house, not knowing that in the next hour, and in the next five days, my world as I knew it would come crashing down.

I enter the house, feeling light and fluttery, as I always do after spending a day with José. I sat on my bed and took a deep breath. “Everything is alright,” I reminded myself. The week before was quite difficult as I had just received news that due to the coronavirus I would not be allowed to take vacation to the U.S. in May to see my best friend get married. I was nervous and worried and the week was rough getting work done with that concern on my mind. But after the weekend I felt a lot calmer. I looked over at my desk and saw a wrapped Twix bar that I had bought on Friday when I was stressed. I laughed to myself and grabbed it to begin eating it. As I was eating the first bar I called Lily, my best Peace Corps friend, and we talked on the phone for a moment about how crazy everything was in the Peace Corps world. “Can you believe we don’t get international vacation until who knows when?” “Are you thinking of taking an interrupted service?” One of the options the Peace Corps had given us was taking an “interrupted service” due to the virus if anyone was feeling worried about not being able to travel internationally for a while. I remember shaking my head as I took another bite of my twix bar and saying “i’m not leaving. They would have to force me to go before I take a step out of this country.” Almost on cue, Lily says “someone just said something in the group chat” (our Kan 14 Peace Corps group chat). We both open WhatsApp to see a screenshot someone in our group sent of an announcement by Jody Olson, Peace Corps head director, on the Peace Corps website. My vision blurs and I just read one sentence: “It is against this backdrop that I have made the difficult decision to temporarily suspend all Peace Corps operations globally and evacuate all of our Volunteers.” I read the sentence again, not quite understanding its significance. I hear a gasp and light whimpering on the other side of the phone as Lily starts to cry. “Camille, we are being evacuated. They’re evacuating us.” 

I keep reading that sentence again and again and it doesn’t quite make sense. Evacuation? I keep reading, hoping more words might sink into my brain. It continued, “as COVID-19 continues to spread and international travel becomes more and more challenging by the day, we are acting now to safeguard your well-being and prevent a situation where Volunteers are unable to leave their host countries.” I look over and see I had dropped my Twix bar half eaten on the ground. Lily is asking me if I’m okay on the line and I’m not quite sure how to answer. “I think i’m in shock,” I hear myself say. I say a couple other things that I don’t recall. Words were coming out but my brain wasn’t following. A couple minutes later we received an email from Peace Corps Guatemala directly explaining the evacuation. The email stated that we had three days to evacuate. Some of us would leave Monday, some would leave Tuesday, and the rest were to leave Wednesday. We were ordered to start packing immediately and to pack as if you weren’t coming back. I look around my room at the furniture I had bought, the decorations, and the full closet of clothes. I see my two suitcases in the corner that I had pushed there to hide for what I thought would be two years. Soon after I received notice that I was a part of the group that would leave the next day at 10:00 in the morning. I look at the clock. It’s about 9:45pm. “Can I call you back, Lily? I have to call José.” 

I hang up and try to take a deep breath. And that’s when the tears come. They flow heavy and I can feel my chest constricting. 10:00am? I had to be out of the house by 10:00am? I had to pack up my entire life, tell my host family, say goodbyes, sleep, AND leave in the next 12 hours? I looked at my phone where I had brought up José’s contact, but I couldn’t get myself to press on his name. “This is going to crush him,” I think to myself. How do you call someone and tell them something that is going to change everything? I took a deep breath and pushed the button. 

The next 12 hours were insanity. I cried until my eyes were swollen as I frantically shoved things I found important into my two suitcases. I slept for four hours and then woke up and had to tell my host mom that I was moving out of her house in three hours. Bless that family, they let me leave so much stuff in their house. It was impossible for me to pack up my entire room plus my kitchen. I didn’t have room for over half of it. I sat on my bed looking at the room that had become my home. The room that was my safe haven after a hard day of work. The room where I journaled every night about how my day went. The room where I watched movies and facetimed my friends back in the states and called my family. The room where my little host nephew danced and asked me how to say things in English. It looked the same, but I felt ripped apart. José was able to leave work in Guatemala City and come rushing to my house. When the doorbell rang I was scared to open the door and see his face, knowing what I had just done to him. I got up, opened the door, and walked outside for a moment, closing the door behind me. “What are you doing?” he mumbled, but then I put my arms around him and just hugged him. And we stood outside the front door of my house holding each other as the cars drove by on the busy highway. I didn’t care who saw us. I just needed that moment. Then I broke away, looked at him in the eyes, took a deep breath, and let him into my house. He helped me pack up the rest of my belongings I wanted to take with me, and I gave him some stuff to take to his house and keep safe for me. Eventually it was almost 10:00 and we had to go. We carried my suitcases together to his car. My host mom had gone somewhere so I said a quick goodbye to her over the phone. I didn’t get to say goodbye to either of my host brothers, my host brother’s wife, or their kids. We drove silently to the Peace Corps office and when we got there he parked in front and turned off the car. We were directly in front of the school I worked at where my office was. I sullenly stared at the rusty gates, thinking that I do not know if I will ever return. I never even got to remove all of my stuff from my office. I never go to say goodbye to any community members or any work partners. This was a community that I was leaving abruptly after I promised to give them my everything. 

My heart felt like it was physically breaking. I leaned over and rested my head on his chest and gripped his waist. I didn’t want to leave this town. I didn’t want to leave this country. I didn’t want to leave my community. I didn’t want to leave him. I had worked so hard to get there. Heaving sobs, we held onto each other, for fear that if we let go we might break. My breaths were coming out of me too rapidly and he gripped my face with both of his hands and made me meet his watery eyes with mine. And I will never forget the smile he had on his face despite the tears in his eyes. The contrast was striking. And I knew in that moment he was doing it for me, so that I would be able to hold myself together and walk through that door. We took deep breaths together looking into each other’s eyes as he continued to smile and nod. We unlocked the doors, stepped out, grabbed my luggage from the trunk, and I grabbed onto them. We both stood there for a moment, looking at each other. “I can’t do it,” I said. “Yes, you can,” he whispered back. “Yes, you can.” The sobs broke out of me again and I knocked on the Peace Corps office door to be let in. José watched me with a smile and I turned around for one last hug. The door opened and, with heart wrenching sobs, I turned around and walked through the door. I still do not know how I had the strength to take those steps away from the person I have fallen in love with and into the unknown.

Inside the office, I continued to sob violently while dragging my suitcases inside the office, returning my Peace Corps badge, my mosquito net, my phone SIM card, and all of the books they gave us. With the heaviest heart I ever felt, I loaded my bags and myself into a van and let them take me, along with several others, away from the Peace Corps office and towards the airport….(To be continued).

Hey all. This week has been a hard week. With what is happening in the world right now involving caronavirus a lot has, quite frankly, gone to shit. And it’s affecting everyone. Everyone’s plans are being cancelled, people are getting sick, and those with compromised immune systems are at severe risk. I am incredibly lucky being here in Guatemala, where cases of the virus have not yet been found. I’m hoping and praying that it stays that way.

However, as of yesterday, Peace Corps Guatemala has banned any international travel for Peace Corps Volunteers unless it is an emergency. This means that my trip that I had planned for May to come home and see my family and go to my best friend’s wedding is now cancelled. Still unsure whether I will be getting my money back on the ticket. But what is most devastating for me is that I will not get to watch Kaylee get married and be her maid of honor like I was so desperately excited to do. To stand by her side and watch her marry the love of her life. And now i’m going to miss it. Which I am starting to accept is a part of being a volunteer. You might miss out on the important things in life. The big things that you really wish you could be there for. That is a price you have to pay for serving and is one that I encourage everyone applying to the Peace Corps to consider before coming. I will miss out on seeing my family too, which was really keeping me afloat and was something I was looking forward to. So, my plans for this weekend are to let myself feel the feelings, be angry for a while, and then let it go. Because, yes, my plans have been cancelled. I don’t get to see my loved ones and experience something that I would give anything to experience. Yet, me not flying to the states and coming back might reduce the risk of someone else contracting the virus. And with that thought in mind, I will accept and move on.

I am sending a lot of prayers and well wishes to those in the states and those all over the world who are struggling right now with the virus and its effects on us all. I am sending prayers to those who can’t afford to get tested. Those who are losing their jobs. Those who have to move away from their schools and universities and may not have another place to live. The kids who no longer get school meals and may be hungry now because of it. Those who are disabled or sick and are terrified. I am here and I am safe and I am thankful. And yet I ache for those who are in these situations.

We must be united as a nation and as a world. As humanity. And that goes for the current situation as it does for politics and the incredibly important upcoming election.

Love you all. Well wishes from Guatemala!

Hi all! Here’s an update on my life for the past couple of weeks. I have been running around to all of my schools meeting with the directors (principals) and sometimes also the teachers and the parents. Right now I am in a huge planning and dreaming phase of my Peace Corps journey. I’m in the process of trying to figure out what I am going to do with these schools project wise, how they want me to support them, and how I can be of use. And every day I meet a new person in my community and I am working on remembering people’s names, which is not a skill that I have. Thankfully the two communities that I work in are fairly close together, about a 10 minute bus ride. However, within these two communities, there are suburbs and smaller communities that are considered a part of the bigger community, and I work there too. So some days I do lots of walking on dirt roads in the middle of crops and horses and cows. And the views are spectacular. Every day Guatemala and my community surprises me with its beauty.

I currently work with 9 schools in the area and there are two more schools that I may have the opportunity to work with that I haven’t yet talked with, which would bring my total up to 11 schools. This doesn’t mean that I will necessarily be working on a daily-basis with all of these schools. I am more of a support and facilitator, connecting institutions and people, and doing what I can to get ideas flowing and support projects. There are 3 main schools that I will be working with quite regularly, and they are very excited to be working with me. I will be visiting them at least every week and we will be doing projects together, giving talks about health topics to the students, and I will be supporting their Student Health Promotion groups on a weekly basis. I am in the process of planning a recycling project with one school and figuring out what to do with plastic, since there is not a recycling system in the community. Here’s a photo of what some schools are doing with their plastic, to help students learn about the classification of trash, help them express their artistic abilities, and learn about gardening!

The amount of time that I go into my office will begin to reduce as I will be out in the “field” in the actual schools instead. Things are picking up and I am still just a beginner! However…next week the new group of Peace Corps Volunteers gets here, Kan 15, and I will no longer be the baby!

Another fun activity I participated in last week was a group that I am involved in called the Project Advisory Committee (PAC). PAC is a group of volunteers, at least one from each department in Guatemala that we work in, who works on the departmental level and is in charge of collaborating and facilitating good relationships between Peace Corps and our Guatemalan departmental work partners. We met for a two day workshop to learn about the group, welcome the new members (me and a few others from my Kan 14), and meet with her work partners to celebrate successes from last year and plan for the year 2020.

Among my municipal and departmental level obligations is attending plenty of meetings…and memorizing acronyms. There are SO many acronyms, not only in Peace Corps, but in Guatemala itself. For example, one group that I attend their meetings is called COMUSAN, which is the Comisión Municipal de Seguridad Alimentaria y Nutricional, which basically means the Municipal Commission of Food Security and Nutrition. Another one I attend is CIAES, which stands for the Comisión Interinstitucional de Alimentación Escolar. Another is COMUDE or Comisión Municipal de Desarrollo. And that is only a couple out of several. Here is a photo of one of the COMUDE meetings I went to in one of my communities.

Aside from work, I am making friends and going on adventures like usual! I have made friends with one of my work partners daughters, and I am so excited for that friendship to flourish since we live in the same community and she can be a great support to me.

I have also befriended the daughter of the cleaning lady at one of my schools, and we are going to do an exchange where I teach her English and she teaches me how to play the guitar! She also lives in my community and she is 21, so we are close in age, and we are planning on hanging out outside of English and guitar classes. And, I have a friend who runs a crepe restaurant in my community and she is a student and a really hard worker, and I am so lucky to have these three friendships blossoming.

Last weekend José and I went to an artisenal beer festival, along with some other friends, and they had live music, beer tasting, and food, and BOY did I feel like I was in the U.S. again. The feeling of listening to live music, having grass under your feet, and food carts surrounding you brought me right back to Oregon.

Guatemala is diverse and full of life. I love it here. A lot. And at the same time I miss Oregon every single day. And my family and friends. But, I will be back! In May actually. Surprise! For my best friends wedding, which I wouldn’t miss for the world. See you soon Oregon.

Last Friday my early in-service training ended with my group, Kan 14, and now we are all back in our Guatemalan homes, preparing for the 21 months ahead of us. This training was the last time everyone in our group would be all together until our Close of Service (COS) conference in 2021. Now, we are thrown out into the lands of Guatemala again, a little more prepared than before, to start working, making connections, forming relationships, and dreaming about the projects we can do in these two years.

During training we learned a lot of information about our jobs, about what Peace Corps calls “working groups,” and we received more details about what it looks like to work in this country and in this culture. We worked through the difficulties many of us are already facing in the workplace here, within our host families, or within the identities we hold and how they affect us in this new environment. Working groups are groups that volunteers can be involved in that focus on specific aspects of Peace Corps Guatemala life. Some groups are focused on Diversity and Inclusion, others focus on Student Health Groups, and others focus on Community-Based Organizations and how we can work with them. Plus, there are many others! They are like little clubs you can be a part of in Peace Corps that help you to be involved, make a change, learn, and give back to the process. One group that I am a part of already is called the Project Advisory Committee (PAC) and we focus on projects at the departmental level of Guatemala, working with our departmental counterparts. I still am learning about what it is, and we have our first meeting at the end of February where I am sure I will receive much more information and will learn how being a part of this group will affect my service.

Learning during EIST about the identities we hold and how they are impacting everyone differently was a very important part of the training, and it is where I feel like I learned a lot, being able to listen to everyone’s experiences and pull on support from others with the same identities as me. A group that I was a part of and had a very thorough discussion with, was a group of Peace Corps Volunteer women who were all experiencing different forms of sexual harassment that varied to different degrees. We shared our experience of receiving cat calling in the streets, sometimes being followed by drunk people (bolos), and receiving uncomfortable comments by our male work partners. It was a great opportunity to see that we are not alone, and that we can work to support each other through the realities of being a woman in this world and in this country. Being in this session also showed me the reality of my privileges and how being a white woman here can often give me security that a woman of color here does not have. Many of my fellow volunteers experience racial harassment daily and that is something I have not experienced here. The intersectionality of our identities and how they affect volunteers during service is essential to look at and to understand for the safety of volunteers and to give everyone the support and tools they need to do their job effectively.

EIST was not all sitting through sessions, however. Over the weekend I had the opportunity to hike the volcano Pacaya once again, with both Lily and José this time. It was a great experience to hike it with two people I care about very much and again reach the top and see the beautiful view. This time, however, we saw someone making pizza from scratch and cooking it with the heat of the volcano! Only in Guatemala.

Another recent adventure I had was visiting San Pedro La Laguna in Sololá. Every time I visit the lake I am in awe of the beauty of this country and how amazing God works. It was a nice small vacation full of peace and fun before starting work back up again.

Also, a very special thing happened on February 1^st that I want to share with you all. In conjunction with Lily, sweet José sent me on a scavenger hunt around Antigua to five special places that we have memories together. At each place I received something, plus the next hint. For example, one place was a coffee shop we went to together once and I received my favorite drink from the baristas along with the next hint. One place was a bookstore we picked out a book that we are reading together, and I received my favorite scented incense along with the next hint. The last place was the water fountain in the central park area where we went the day we first met, and I had mentioned how it’s a tradition to make a wish at a fountain. When I arrived at the fountain, he was there, pink flowers in hand, and asked me to be his girlfriend and his forever wish. WHICH BY THE WAY is the cheesiest, cutest thing anyone has ever done for me. I said yes, of course. So now I have a boyfriend. And I’m very, very happy. He’s the most intentional, selfless, caring person I have ever met. He would move mountains for me. He would do anything to keep me safe and show me that I am cared for. And I am blessed to know him.

We will see what the future holds, and we are taking one day at a time, but for now I am going to focus on the present and how filled with life I feel.

Today is Wednesday, February 12^th. I’m already busy back in my office working. Yesterday I visited three schools and I am slowly introducing myself to the directors in my district and discussing how I can be a support to their projects and plans for the year. I feel proud of myself for getting this far. If you had told me even three months ago that I would be walking into schools unannounced, having hour long conversations with directors in Spanish, facilitating development tools to groups of teachers and parents, or walking along a dirt road asking everyone where to find a school, I wouldn’t have believed I could do it. And now I’m doing the damn thing. So, let’s celebrate that.

Happy EIST! EIST stands for early in-service training, which is a two week training that my group and I are currently going through to learn about topics such as leadership in the healthy schools commissions in Guatemala, how to evaluate and report on the work that we do, how to create a plan of action with our work partners in our community, how to get involved with community-based organizations, and more. And that is this week and next week! Meaning: my whole group is back in my department, Sacatepéquez. It’s been great to see them, spend time with them, and hear about everyone’s different experiences in their new homes. We have completed the first two months: December and January. 22 more months to go!

The month of January has been busy and full of many moments that I have had to force myself out of my comfort zone. Life in Guatemala is different. Of course. However, I did not expect how my personality would sometimes clash with the norms of Guatemalan culture. Working as a Healthy Schools Coordinator has been wonderful and it is helping me grow. In the past three weeks I have visited eight schools, introduced myself, and explained what my role is in the community. Additionally, for my EIST, I have been in charge of asking schools to participate in the training with the volunteers. So, this means that I have been traveling back and forth to all of the schools, speaking with the directors (principals), and having them fill out applications to participate in our training. ALL IN SPANISH. Of course. And, my American ways get the best of me constantly. It is an every day struggle to fight against them. Time here works differently. You have to be okay with people being late, or not showing up at all. You must be okay with things not going as planned. You must be flexible and be willing to jump up and get the work done, even if it isn’t going as expected. You have to be prepared to walk into schools without appointments and wait for the directors to have a moment to speak with you. You have to be prepared to walk into somewhere, introduce yourself, and tell them you are there to do whatever they want you to do, because you are at their service. And it’s all so different than what I am used to, and it pushes me away from my introverted side and closer to my extroverted side. And it’s going great. I am thankful, because every day I feel myself growing more comfortable with speaking in Spanish, with showing up places, and with being lost within my town, within meetings, and just within this job sometimes. Its a learning process. And sometimes these processes can be painful.

Other than work, I have been trying to spend time with my host family, my friends here, and taking time for myself to breathe. And trying to explore Guatemala at every opportunity possible! Spending time with my host family is one of my favorite things to do, especially with the kids who are 1 and a half and 3 years old.

I’ve been exploring Antigua even more, admiring its beauty and finding more good restaurants and coffee shops and beautiful churches.

Last weekend I visited Alta Mira, a destination with a gorgeous view of Antigua, small towns, and the volcanoes.

And, of course, hanging out with José, who is rapidly becoming a best friend and someone who I care about deeply.

I have many plans for February. Continue to explore Guatemala when I have free time. Integrate with my host family and spend quality time with them, gaining their trust and showing them how much I want to be a part of their family. Integrate into my community, finding ways for me to make more friends here and finding activities I can be involved in. Start project with the schools in my community, creating action plans and figuring out what resources we will need to meet our goals. Continue to work in my office, gaining the respect of my CTA and the directors of the schools.

But, for now, we continue EIST and we continue learning. Every day is a chance to grow and become our best selves.

Hello, January. Hello, 2020. I’ve always loved the changing of the year to a new one. I like its mark of a new beginning, of fresh starts, and of the possibilities that lie ahead. Yes, most people will make resolutions and then fall back into their old habits soon after. But there’s hope that lies within the breath of a second when the clock switches from 11:59 to 12:00 and everyone is happy again. We jump and shriek and dance and drink. We rejoice in the unknown future that is coming, allowing ourselves to believe that it is good.

The weeks leading up to my New Years Eve were wonderful. And I think partially I haven’t been updating my blog in the last three weeks because I’ve been so genuinely happy. I’ve been experiencing Guatemala, too busy to take a moment to reflect much. I’m convinced that Guatemala has some of the best people I have ever met. And the best views I’ve ever seen. As my beloved family and friends are back in Oregon and Washington living in 50 degree weather (which I do miss occasionally), I’m here averaging 75 a day in “winter.” Which has done wonders for my mental health.

In mid-December I visited the famous lake here in country, and was blown away by the beauty. The combination of the mountains hovering over the glossy water with the clouds painting patterns in the blue sky and the heat radiating off of my skin made me want to stay there forever and ever.

However, even close to home there are many wonderful places to visit that I don’t need to travel very far to reach. I step outside my door and the volcanoes welcome me. The forests call to me. The sound of chicken buses whizzing by my house remind me of where I am. I go to the market and see my community members and meet a new face every day. I’m grateful to be here surrounded by beauty.

A fun December work-related activity that I did was help run a girls camp called “Future Girls.” The camp was created by another Peace Corps Volunteer (PCV), Aimee, who invited several other PCV’s to help out and contribute. I was the designated photographer of the three day camp and the leader of one group of girls, facilitating discussion time. It was a great intro to working with Guatemalan teen girls and inspired me to make this work good and true and real. My group of girls were wonderful and we had so much fun.

Christmas time rolled around, and with it, an array of mixed feelings. I missed home. I missed Oregon and the cold and the feel that it was really Christmas with hot chocolate and Christmas music and my family. And at the same time, I was happy to be here in Guatemala sharing culture with my host family and some new incredible people that I have met. I was happy having dinner with my family, sharing gifts with them, drinking sangria, and getting to know them better. Christmas Eve consisted of tamales and ponche, and lots of laughter. Here, the main holiday is Christmas Eve. This is when families spend time together, eat, and shoot off fireworks at midnight. The morning of Christmas Eve I was invited to celebrate the holiday with my friend José and his family. I was able to see how close their beautiful family is, and how important this holiday is to them. Their kindness and openness to me made the holiday not only more bearable, but enjoyable and comfortable. On Christmas day it was pretty silent here in Guatemala, but a fellow PCV and I went out and ate lunch together to celebrate the holiday together and to not feel alone.

Then came New Years Eve. A few days before I was able to visit my old host family from training. It was so good to see them and see the house and room where I spent so many hours studying and reading and learning. We were able to catch up, share a meal, and share our goals for the upcoming year together. I’m thankful to be close enough to them to visit and keep our relationship strong. New Years Eve, similar to Christmas Eve, I drank, shared food, and shot off fireworks. But this time I danced and I danced and I danced, feeling like I belonged here, ready to start 2020 in my new home.

And now its January 8th. I’ve set up my office in the primary school in my town. I’ve met some directors of the schools and I’ve set up meetings. I already have several presentations lined up on my calendar and a full schedule. And I’m ready. I know I’m capable and I deserve to be here and that I can do this. Because I can. I’ve done hard things before. And even though every single day I face uncomfortability, I am able to talk myself into going through with it anyway. Because this work is worth the effort. This country is worth the effort. These people, my god, they are worth it all. So here’s to a new year of triumphs and learning and failures and growth and love. We deserve at least that.

This month already has been a month of pure adventure and discovery. I have seen parts of Guatemala that I haven’t seen before, discovered hidden gems, made friends, and gone to work meetings! December is slow in regards to work because the schools are closed, however, I am working on a departmental level as well and I have been able to show my face and help out in that sector in the three weeks that I have been at site. Meeting new people in a new country is difficult. It’s difficult to get out and introduce yourself to people in another language AND it’s difficult to get people to meet with you during their vacation. So far, I have met some really motivated, hardworking people that I am excited to start working with in January and I am slowly showing people that I am here to stay and I am taking this work seriously.

In the meantime, it’s easy to stay cooped up in my room, but I have been trying hard to get out, attend social events, and explore Guatemala. Currently it is “feria” around Guatemala, a celebration that individual towns have to enjoy the holidays. There is plenty of street food, fireworks, games, and rides. My town currently is celebrating feria so it has been very loud, but it has also been a great opportunity to get out in the community and enjoy the festivities (minus the street food).

Last week I went on two wonderful adventures. The first: I hiked an active volcano. Almost gave my grandmother in the states a heart attack, but oh boy was the adventure incredible. I’m from Oregon, and the closest I got was seeing Mount Hood covered in snow every day. Or, during college, I hiked Mount Rainier and went snowshoeing a couple of times. But seeing an active volcano *not* covered in snow spewing rocks in the air and hearing the sound of the lava moving deep within was a whole new experience.

The hike itself wasn’t super difficult, but since my body and lungs aren’t used to the altitude change, I felt like I was breathing through a straw the entire time. Which did make it that much more difficult. But once I got near the top, I knew it was worth it for the view and for the sensation of feeling the heat roll off the dried lava at the base of the top.

The very next day I went somewhere a little less extreme, but also quite fascinating: Hobbitenango. Yes, you read that right. Hobbit-enango. A joke and play off of Lord of The Rings. IN GUATEMALA. It’s a little park with restaurants, cafes, games, music, and a fantastic view (surprise). And everything is Lord of The Rings themed. It was awesome.

Guatemala is full of hidden gems. I have learned that nothing is what it seems. You can find the coolest bar or the coolest cafe that from the outside looks like a very small building. Things are hidden and you have to search for them a little bit. It’s helpful having friends from the area that know some of these special places, but I guarantee that throughout my two years I am going to find lots of magical places in this land.

Per popular request, I am posting the speech I gave at my Kan 14 swear-in ceremony. I will first post it in Spanish, as that is how I gave it, and below I will have the translated English version.

Speech in Español: Buenos días a todos. Muchas gracias a cada uno de ustedes por estar aquí. Felicidades por el comienzo de dos años increíbles y gracias por ayudarnos a avanzar en nuestro viaje. Hace nueve semanas y cuatro días, mis nuevos compañeros del Cuerpo de Paz y yo no nos conocíamos. Nos conocimos por primera vez y no teníamos ninguna idea de que íbamos a convertirnos en amigos cercanos. A lo largo de poco más de dos meses una fuerte relación ha crecido dentro y entre nosotros. Estamos unidos por una pasión. Estamos unidos por un anhelo. Estamos unidos por la misma vocación. Y esta vocación nos ha hecho familia. Hace nueve semanas nos mudamos a las casas de extraños guatemaltecos, sin saber que estas personas iban a estar allí para amarnos como a sus propios hijos. Como sus propios hermanos. Como sus propios nietos. No sabíamos que se formaría un vínculo fuerte, independientemente de las diferencias culturales, independientemente de las creencias diferentes, e independientemente de una barrera del lenguaje a veces asombrosa. Nos mostraron su cultura, nos permitieron comer en sus mesas, conocer a sus familias y dormir en sus camas. Nos mostraron una profunda amistad. Cuando nos fuimos, lloramos y nos aferramos a nuestros últimos momentos juntos, y nos dijeron que nos amaban. Un estadounidense y un guatemalteco se convirtieron en familia y la raza humana se volvió un poco más completa.

Ahora, estamos aquí, sólo nueve semanas y cuatro días de conocer Guatemala. Estamos aquí después de haber conocido a nuestros socios por un día y medio. Estamos aquí, sabiendo que estamos a punto de mudarnos a un nuevo hogar, y conocer a más personas nuevas con las que viviremos durante dos años. Y tenemos miedo. Todos de nosotros tenemos miedo. Porque dentro de lo desconocido hay miedo. Hay incomodidad. Nuestros compañeros de trabajo también, imagino, tienen miedo. Ustedes también están a punto de embarcarse en un viaje con un extraño. Algunos de ustedes pueden haber hecho esto muchas veces antes, pero otros es su primera vez. Esta es la vida. ¿Pero sabes lo que creo? Creo que dentro de la incomodidad es donde crecemos como seres humanos. Y dentro de la incomodidad de colaborar con personas de todo el mundo es donde se hace un verdadero cambio. ¿Esa pasión, anhelo y vocación que mencioné que todos mis amigos del Cuerpo de Paz y yo tenemos? Ustedes, nuestros socios, también la tienen. Por eso están aquí, saltando voluntariamente a esto junto con nosotros. Tenemos un profundo deseo de contribuir al bien en este mundo. Tenemos un anhelo de usar lo que tenemos para empoderar a los demás, para empoderar a las comunidades, para mostrar a las familias que son capaces y fuertes, para permitir que un niño reconozca sus habilidades y oportunidades únicas, y para unir este mundo. Queremos paz en la tierra. Y tenemos que empezar paso a paso. Tenemos que empezar aquí, donde estamos hoy. Amigos, estamos dando un paso en la dirección correcta. Porque juntos vamos a hacer una diferencia positiva en Guatemala. Juntos vamos a empujar a través del miedo, vamos a empujar a través de la incomodidad, y crear un mundo más pacífico que tenga un poco más de alegría.

Así que, les reto a cada uno de ustedes a ver esta nueva persona con la que van a trabajar como puramente humana. Un ser humano con emociones y pensamientos y necesidades reales. Un ser humano con experiencias únicas, pasiones y objetivos. Les reto a darle a esta nueva persona la gracia de cometer errores. Les reto a darle a esta persona el espacio para aprender y crecer. Les reto a darle la bienvenida a su vida, a ser honestos y abiertos con ellos, y a comunicarse con ellos. Recuerden que sólo juntos se logrará el trabajo impactante.

Todos nosotros los nuevos voluntarios estamos listos para este trabajo. Estamos listos para conocer y aprender de nuestros nuevos miembros de la comunidad y estamos muy emocionados de empezar a trabajar en nuestros proyectos específicos: Escuelas Saludables y Juventud en Desarrollo. Cuando le pregunté a mis compañeros voluntarios por qué estaban emocionados de empezar a trabajar dentro de su proyecto específico, dijeron que estaban emocionados de aprender de los propios guatemaltecos. Algunos dijeron que estaban entusiasmados por una conexión humana genuina, mientras que otros dijeron que están deseando ser desafiados. Un voluntario dijo que está emocionado de trabajar con una comunidad maya y aprender la lengua indígena local. Un voluntario de Escuelas Saludables  dijo: “estoy emocionado de trabajar dentro de mi marco de proyecto porque me permite asociarme con varios miembros de la comunidad y organizaciones”. Un voluntario de Juventud en Desarrollo dijo: “estoy emocionado de poder dar a los jóvenes de Guatemala un espacio para recibir apoyo y tener voz”. Y por último, un voluntario dijo: “estoy continuamente inspirado por la compasión, calidez y amor que Guatemala ha mostrado a nuestro grupo. Las relaciones que he hecho aquí, en estos próximos dos años, me han motivado a destinar cantidades iguales de amor y dedicación en mi proyecto”. Creo que las palabras de estos nuevos voluntarios del Cuerpo de Paz muestran la importancia de la conexión intercultural y muestran cómo están todos nuestros corazones en esta obra. Estamos aquí y estamos listos para aprender, apoyar, trabajar, hacer amigos y compartir cultura.

John F. Kennedy, uno de los presidentes de los Estados Unidos y uno de los fundadores del Cuerpo de Paz, dijo esto sobre la paz: “la paz es un proceso diario, semanal, mensual, que cambia gradualmente las opiniones, erosiona lentamente las viejas barreras, construye silenciosamente nuevas estructuras”. Lo que creo que está diciendo es que va a tomar tiempo. Puede que no sea un proceso rápido en el que vamos a ver resultados inmediatos. Pero no se desanimen. Tengan fe y recuerden que es un proceso que cambiará gradualmente los puntos de vista de las personas, erosiona lentamente las barreras, tanto físicas como metafóricas, y construirá silenciosamente nuevas estructuras aquí en Guatemala. Este es el trabajo que estamos haciendo juntos. Y muchas gracias por estar dispuesto a dedicarse a esto. Guatemala, Los Estados Unidos y el resto del mundo están un paso más cerca de la paz y la amistad hoy gracias a todos ustedes.

Gracias.

Swear-in speech in English: Good morning, everybody. Thank you so much to each of you for being here. Congratulations on the start of two amazing years and thank you for helping us advance our journey. Nine weeks and four days ago, my new Peace Corps friends and I didn’t know each other. We met for the first time and had no idea we were going to become close friends. Over the course of just over two months a strong relationship has grown in and between us. We are united by a passion. We are united by a longing. We are united by the same vocation. And this vocation has made us family. Nine weeks ago we moved into the homes of Guatemalan strangers, not knowing that these people were going to come to love us like their own children. Like their own siblings. Like his own grandchildren. We did not know that a strong bond would be formed, regardless of cultural differences, regardless of different beliefs, and regardless of a sometimes astounding language barrier. They shared with us their culture, allowed us to eat at their tables, meet their families and sleep in their beds. They showed us a deep kindness. When we left, we cried and clung to our last moments together, and they told us they loved us. An American and a Guatemalan became a family and the human race became a little more complete.

Now, we are here, only nine weeks and four days in of knowing Guatemala. We are here only knowing our work partners for a day and a half. We are here, knowing we’re about to move into a new home, and meet more new people we’ll live with for two years. And we are afraid. All of us are afraid. Because inside the unknown there is fear. There’s uncomfortability. Our work partners, too, I imagine, are afraid. You are about to embark on a journey with a stranger. Some of you may have done this many times before, but others this is your first time. This is how life goes. But do you know what I believe? I believe that within discomfort is where we grow as human beings. And within the uncomfortability of collaborating with people around the world is where real change is made. That passion, longing and vocation that I mentioned that all my friends in the Peace Corps and I have? You, our work partners, have it, too. That’s why you are all here, voluntarily jumping into this with us. We have a deep desire to contribute to good in this world. We have a yearning to use what we have to empower others, to empower communities, to show families that they are capable and strong, to allow a child to recognize their unique abilities and opportunities, and to unite this world. We want peace on earth. And we have to start step by step. We have to start here, where we are today. Folks, we’re taking a step in the right direction. Because together we are going to make a positive difference in Guatemala. Together we will push through the fear, we will push through the discomfort, and create a more peaceful world that has a little more joy.

So, I challenge each of you to see this new person you are going to work with as purely human. A human being with real emotions and thoughts and needs. A human being with unique experiences, passions and goals. I challenge you to give this new person the grace to make mistakes. I challenge you to give this person the space to learn and grow. I challenge you to welcome them into your life, to be honest and open with them, and to communicate with them. Remember that only together will the impactful work be achieved.

All of us new volunteers are ready for this job. We are ready to meet and learn from our new community members and are excited to start working on our specific projects: Healthy Schools and Youth in Development. When I asked my fellow volunteers why they were excited to start working within their specific project, they said they were excited to learn from Guatemalans themselves. Some said they were excited about a genuine human connection, while others said they are looking forward to being challenged. One volunteer said they are excited to work with a Mayan community and learn the local indigenous language. A Healthy Schools volunteer said, “I’m excited to work within my project framework because it allows me to partner with various community members and organizations.” A Youth in Development volunteer said, “I am excited to be able to give young people in Guatemala a space to receive support and have a voice.” And finally, one volunteer said, “I am continually inspired by the compassion, warmth and love that Guatemala has shown our group. The relationships I have made here, and will in these next two years, have motivated me to devote equal amounts of love and dedication to my project.” I believe that the words of these new Peace Corps volunteers show the importance of intercultural connection and show how all our hearts are in this work. We are here and are ready to learn, support, work, make friends and share culture.

John F. Kennedy, one of the presidents of the United States and one of the founders of the Peace Corps, said this about peace: “Peace is a daily, weekly, monthly process that gradually changes opinions, slowly erodes old barriers, and silently builds new structures.” What I think he is saying is it’s going to take time. It may not be a quick process in which we will see immediate results. But don’t be discouraged. Have faith and remember that it is a process that will gradually change people’s views, slowly erode barriers, both physical and metaphorical, and quietly build new structures here in Guatemala. This is the work we’re doing together. And thank you so much for being willing to do this. Guatemala, the United States, and the rest of the world is one step closer to peace and friendship today thanks to all of you.

Thank you.